That way, if you ultimately decide to leave, "you can do so with some peace of mind," she says. Every time you criticize your partner — by attacking, blaming, and putting the fault on them by flinging negative statements like "You're always running late," or "You never do anything right" — you corrode your connection. Drill down on that initial instinct and ask yourself more specific questions. But that's not your best bet: "Staying in a seriously unhappy marriage can have long-term effects on our mental and emotional health," says Carrie Cole, a couples therapist and Master Certified Gottman Therapist by the Gottman Institute. If you've given up fighting, but feel further away than ever, it's a sign that you've reached a crossroads. Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship , says that a lack of visible physical affection — like kissing or hugging — is also indicative of a real problem. If that used to be your spouse but is now someone else — whether that's a girlfriend or another man — it's a clear sign you're not in the happy marriage you used to be. This is especially problematic if "one partner feels over-controlled by the other spouse, and has made great attempts to verbalize his or her feelings and feels defeated because his or her expressions and words are not validated," says Walfish.
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